I'm Up in the Air, But At Least I'm No Longer Up in the Air

I am writing this from the plane to Philly, hovering somewhere over Nebraska (thanks to online tracking and in flight Internet), and with really bad red onion breath resulting from the turkey (onion) sliders (onions) that I had for lunch.  I didn’t eat at 5:30 this morning and then made it into Salt Lake City only minutes before my connecting flight, which was conveniently departing from the other side of the airport.  Whatever happened to free in-flight meals on long flights? Cheapskates.

Anyway, I wanted to get some thoughts down about this day before my computer dies and before the feelings lose their freshness, or get drowned in the rush of the next, well, two years. 

It feels so monumental.  So momentous.  And at the same time I am filled with an almost eerie calm. This was a major departure (pardon the pun) from the previous week or so of high anxiety and roller coaster mood swings. 

The images and thoughts coming into my head while I was driving to the airport this morning with my Mom and Phil was like watching the movie of my past 7 months.  I could remember so clearly driving into Boise when I moved, pretty emotionally wrecked and overwhelmed and with a vague sense that I was going to be leaving at some point (when???) to start this new adventure that I had ripped my life to shreds to be able to do.  I remember holing up in my parents’ house and watching a lot of bad TV and sleeping late and trying to sort out what I would do for work.  I remembered finally finding a job at the Idaho Botanical Gardens, which turned out to be the perfect opportunity for me.  Then meeting Phil and getting to revel in having a new close friend for the last few months of my stay.  I remembered the long application process and every single moment of enthusiastic excitement and joy at things gone right, and every moment of utter crushing despair when things went wrong.  I so clearly remembered the angst of waiting and having no other plan and no idea when I would finally know something.  I remembered all the friends and family who cheered me on through the process, always telling me that it would work out, that I would know something next week, or the following.  Anyway, much of this is already detailed in previous entries, but I got to re-experience the entire movie reel of it all as I travelled to the airport, checked in and prepared to board my flight.

And now, like I said, I’m oddly calm.  Oddly relaxed.  It’s not just the lack of sleep, but this overwhelming feeling of relief, and freedom, and excitement, and that it is right.  It just feels right.  So the good news is, my anxiety has faded into the background and been replaced with joy and sense of looking forward.

A note to you all.  I have so many amazing people in my life that have been there for me, oftentimes better than I have been there for them.  Some have been my rocks and my champions in a big way during the past few years, such as my Mom and step-father Kesh and my close friend Melissa P. There are also all the wonderful people who contributed to the fundraiser to help send me to the Peace Corps.  Added to that is a huge groups of amazing friends, family and acquaintances that have been on my side and so excited and curious about my adventures. There are so many of you in my life that even though we don’t talk or email, still post Facebook comments in support of my dreams, or simply “like” my blog or photos, those little moments of support are noticed and meaningful to me, so thank you.

To all of you reading this, I know that this isn’t a forever kind of goodbye, but two years is a long time and I want you to know that your support and encouragement and faith in me has been beyond just appreciated.  You have contributed to helping this dream come true and keeping me pushing towards it no matter what the process looked like.  Any single one of you is welcome to come and visit me!